Monday, December 13, 2010

It's a Girl!!!

So we went to have an ultrasound and found out we're having a girl!!!

 We're thinking about naming her Brianna... but still not sure.  I've begun to feel her moving around in there.. and sometimes I wish I didn't!  She just doesn't stop... I guess she's inherited her daddys inability to sit still!!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Meth... really?!?!?!

So We're trying to buy this house.. it's pretty nice, especially for a first home...

So anyways... we had it inspected of course.. and guess what... it tested positive for meth!!!  Unbelievable... the things people do these days.. anyways, the good news is that the bank is willing to pay to get it out of there and my neighbor owns a company that decontaminates houses of stuff like that... so.. hopefully it'll all be gone and we'll be able to close in a few weeks!

Monday, November 29, 2010

It's been a while!

WOW... life got crazy!!  I haven't posted on here in forever... to start off I was in a car accident.. not bad, but enough to d some damage to my back, so I've been in physical therapy twice a week every week.   Turns out I am pregnant!!  I am currently 15 weeks along... here are some U/S pics!!






So I've been going to prenatal appointments with my midwife.  I am considered a high risk pregnancy because my first two children were born premature.  I went into labor with my daughter when I was only  24 weeks.  So I've been having appointments with a high risk specialist as well.  Starting Wednesday I will need to have progesterone shots once a week to (hopefully) prevent me from going into labor.

The Tummy is definitely pooching out a little..
Well.. anyways between all that and school and work.. I have had absolutely no time for anything else.. including blogging ha ha

Anyways Hopefully I'll get back into things and keep you all updated a little more!

Until next time...

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

It's been a while...

Ok, ok, I know.. It's been forever since I've posted.. and I'm sorry.   I've just been so sick... not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.. because I'm PREGNANT!!!   I am now 7 weeks along and I'm due May 12th... exciting!!!  I just want to skip these first few months though.  All I want to do now is sleep and throw up.. that's about it..

Other than that... there's not much else going on right now.  Just work...school.. and trying to do it all while pregnant, tired and grumpy!  I'll post more later...

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Pee on a stick...

Ok, so me and hubby have been trying to get pregnant for 4 months now... I've wanted to be pregnant so bad that I've had many false pregnancy symptoms... well for the past 5 days now I've been really nauseous in the mornings, my period is not due until next week, but I decided to take a test anyways just to see if it would show up.

Well.. GUESS WHAT!!!  There was a very very faint line.. I thought I was seeing things, so I had my mom take a look at it.. and she saw it too!!!   I know it's not definate yet, I still could have an early miscarriage or something like that, but at least there was a line.. that's better than what I was getting before!!!

I'm so excited.. I really hope this means baby in 9 months!!  I'm hoping for a boy, but I'll be happy with whatever I get :)

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

30 Days of Truth - Day 10

Day 10 - Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn't know.


Well.. I don't really have anyone who I need to let go... but I do have one person I wish I didn't know.


This situation is kinda confusing...I wish I never met my daughter's dad.  On the other hand, I'm not sure what I would do without my daughter!    He can be such an idiot at times, and it really makes me mad some of the things he puts my daughter through.  I just wish I could have her, but never met him....make sense?


The latest news on him... well he's back in town now, but who knows for how long.  My daughter spent this past weekend at his house.  Well... here's the story.  I  had just bought her a new bible... and she wanted to take it over there to show her dad, so I let her.  Well apparently both her and her dad decided to practice writing in it.  Now a  year old writing in a book... a slap on the hand, and you just tell them that it's not a good thing to do... on the other hand.. a 35 year old man?????   Should I really have to tell a 35 year old man not to write in books.. especially if they're not his?????  Unbelievable.  That's all I can say.  I can't believe he's so dumb as to teach our daughter that it's ok to write in books. She only had the thing for 2 days, and now it's got writing all through it....  I'm thinking of just giving it back to him and say here keep this, since you decided to write in it.. I'll go buy a new one that I will keep looking nice.... sometimes, I'm surprised at how dumb a human being can actually be....


Anyways, back to the subject... yes, he is the one person in my life that I wish I didn't know, and had never met.....he is the single most stressful thing in my life.... ha most people would think working full time, going to school full time, and being a good wife and mommy was stressful.... ha ha ha that is a piece of cake compared to the stress he puts me through....


I guess I just need to learn to not let it get to me.. not as easy as it sounds.. and I'm not really sure how to do it!



Monday, August 30, 2010

30 Days Of Truth - Day 9

Day 9 - Someone you didn't want to let go, but just drifted.


Well.. this one is easy!!   Ok, ok, so I know I have been a slacker lately.. it's been a while since I've posted.  I've just gotten really busy with.... well... life!  So anyways... here it goes.

The one person I didn't want to let go was my best friend Stephanie.  We met the first day of kindergarten and were inseprable ever since.  Well when I was in 6th grade her dad got a job and she had to move.. it was only an hour away so it's not like we would never be able to see each other again...

Well.. I was wrong.  We went to different schools, we didn't see each other anymore, and after a while I forgot about her, and she probably forgot about me.  We stopped talking.. there was no fight, and there was no reason that we stopped talking other than the fact that we just did...

Well  a few months ago I found her on facebook.... and she ended up flying here to be a bridesmaid in my wedding... and when she got here... we picked up where we left off in 6th grade.  It's like we were never apart.  We talked for hours and just did our thing like nothing ever happened!

I'm going to make sure now that we keep in contact... I'll never forget that day on the bus the first day of kindergarten.  We were headed home and she was crying because she thought the bus driver didn't know where she lived and she would never get home... I sat next to her and made her feel better....there's a connection between us that will never die... I love her.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Stress...

Wow.. so I've had quite the week... My daughter is having some serious issues.  I think it's all rooting from the fact that her dad just up and left and has had no contact for 2 months now.   She is having some serious temper tantrums...I mean these are no normal tantrums either... they're pretty bad and last for hours upon hours....  the longest lasted I believe 6 hours.. non stop until she fell asleep.


I'm not quite sure what to do about it anymore.. I've tried everything I can think of.. and I mean they are pretty bad.  I'm almost ready to get her some extra help.  I can get some free counseling through my work, and maybe if we did some family counseling that would help.

The other thing that isn't making matters any better is my step dad is in the hospital.  He has had some serious abdominal pain for the past 2 weeks... he hasn't eaten in a week because he can't keep anything down....his belly is seriously swollen.... and they're afraid his colon is going to burst because of the pressure.  They don't know what's wrong with him.. he's even had a few doctors come in asking him questions about it to learn more about what's going on with him.   It's kinda scary when a specialist has no clue what's wrong.

So as you can see I've been pretty stressed as well as my daughter, so that makes everything worse...I'm not sure what I'm doing anymore....


Tuesday, August 17, 2010

My New Challenge...

Ok, so I've decided to take on another challenge.... like I don't already have enough on my plate...

I've decided to read the Bible.. the whole thing.  Well.. listen to it at least.  I've been listening to an Audio bible while I'm at work instead of music. The only books I read at home are school books!   I started doing it a little while back but then never finished, I got to Leviticus and then stopped for some reason.  I hear that Leviticus is where a lot of people get discouraged because there's no real story to it.  It's a bunch of rules (that don't really apply anymore if you believe in the new testament) about sacrifices and all that.


So I picked up where I left off.. I started in Leviticus yesterday.  I made it through, and today I've started on Numbers.  Right Now I"m on Chapter 23 I plan to finish Numbers today and hopefully at least start on Deuteronomy.  


                                                 

Well here I am at the beginning of my journey.  Many people start this journey with good intentions, however only a few actually succeed.  Please join me in this challenge and journey to read the entire bible.  Some move slower, and others will move faster.  Whatever your pace may be please feel free to share your thoughts and reflections.. I sure will!


                                      

30 Days of Truth - Day 8

Day 8 - Someone who made your life hell.


Ok.. so this one is fairly easy.

There are/were 2 people in my life that made it difficult....Person number one.. Her name was Katrina.  She picked on me in high school.  I dreaded going to school every day because of her.  She decided that she was going to call me roach one day, and continued doing it throughout the school year.  She wrote in permanent marker on my locker ROACH... and filled my locker with shaving cream.  She threw pennies at my head...she found at least one thing about me every single day to make fun of .... one day I just couldn't take it anymore and we got into a fight.

Ok, now although I thought she was the devil at the time.... now that I look back on it, it really wasn't that bad. Yeah she did some mean and nasty things...teenage girls are really bad!  But hey it was for one year, and I haven't seen her since.

Person number 2.... My daughter's dad. I know this is really bad... but he is the only person I've ever truly hated in my entire life...  I left him 4 years ago.... we're STILL going to court to play his dumb games.  He fights me every step of the way on custody (even though I've already been awarded full physical and legal custody) but everyone knows he really doesn't care about seeing his daughter.  He's been out of state for almost 2 months now.  He hasn't called her or anything.  If he really cared about his kid he would stop chasing girls like a teenage boy and pay attention to her.

He hurts her...not physically, but emotionally he does, and watching that happen, and not being able to do anything about it... hurts me.  He threatens to call child services on me because apparently I'm an abusive mother (trust me.. I'm not)  Yes... I discipline my child, I want her to grow up with manners, and to act right.  I barely ever spank her.... only when I feel it's necessary.... Him on the other hand... he does nothing. There is no discipline when she goes to his house. No wonder he thinks I'm an abusive mother....I actually discipline my child.  I'm sorry... I'm definitely guilty.. take me to jail.. I discipline my child.

Oh and just wait until he gets wind of her calling my husband daddy....that's going to be a fun conversation to hear.... when I say conversation I mean him yelling at me and cussing me out.  It's not my fault that he abandoned his daughter, and she gave up on hoping that he would come back. It's not my fault that she wants a stable father figure in her life.  It's not my fault that her dad wants nothing to do with her....but it does hurt.

Now, to many people...all this may not seem bad enough for me to actually hate someone.. you're right it's not.  I would also like to inform you that he used to abuse me...still does in a way.   He choked me until I passed out when I was pregnant with my daughter, he would hit me, kick me, push me... you name it.. he did it.  Now, physical abuse I can handle.. bumps and bruises go away.  Yes, it hurts, but the pain eventually goes away.  It's the emotional abuse that really got to me.

Emotional scars are hard to get rid of.. and sometimes never go away.  I still carry many of mine, and sometimes they affect my marriage now.  I have the perfect marriage, I love my husband to death and he would never lay a hand on me or say a hurtful word.  But sometimes the scars that Jeff left behind affect what I do and say.  There are times I am very insecure about myself and about my husband.  I know...more than I know anything else in the world that he loves me and he wouldn't even look at another woman... but because of what Jeff did to me, every time he goes out with the guys or goes on an overnight for work I can't help but think... is he cheating on me?  Am I pretty enough for him? Am I good enough for him?  Maybe he found someone better than me?  Most times I believe that almost anyone could be better than me.  MY self esteem has been stripped down and stomped on so many times, and it's hard to build it back up again.

We're working on it though.  He always reassures me that I'm the most beautiful woman in the world and he loves me and only me.  He doesn't even have the desire to look at anyone else.

Ok, I know this is getting a little long, and I'm probably just rambling at this point.  The answer to the question of the day in a few words.. Jeff seriously messed up my life... Katrina...just prepared me for Jeff.  Someday I'll get over it all, and look back and think.... eh that wasn't so bad....







Thursday, August 12, 2010

Guest Post - Baby Sign Language




10 Tips To Get Started With Baby Sign Language 

Baby Sign Language  is so much fun, it’s completely free – and it works! It’s also real easy to get started. The sooner you start signing to your baby, the sooner he will begin to communicate back to you. You can start at any time, even from birth. Read on for the top ten tips to get started with baby sign language...

1. Start off with signs that are interesting to babies. Words that represent food, drink, or people, such as Mommy and Daddy, are great starter signs. 
2. Repetition. Make the sign every time you say the relevant word to your baby. It’s important to say the word that goes with the sign clearly, with good eye contact, while pointing to the thing or person you are describing. 
3. Be alert. At first, sign when baby is alert and not fussing. He won’t enjoy it if he’s tired – and neither will you. 
4. Practice the signs beforehand so you feel confident and clear about what you are doing. Get flash cards or a handy wall-chart so you know how to make the signs correctly. 
5. Repetition is the key to baby sign language. Be sure to make the sign and say the word every time you do an action or use an object. Your baby will learn the signs through repetition (and so will you), and it will be natural for him to eventually sign back. 
6. Be Patient. Don’t expect too much too soon. Your baby is unlikely to be signing for his milk if he is only 4 months old and you’ve been signing to him for just a week! A typical baby who starts learning signs at seven months old needs about two months of repetition and exposure to a sign to start using it.
7. Remember - signing to your baby helps with bonding. Baby signing is a two-way activity, encouraging communication from baby to parent and back again. Mothers who sign with their babies often feel closer to them, noticing and appreciating their efforts at communication earlier than non-signing moms.
8. Dads can do it too. Often dads feel left out when bringing up a young baby, especially if Mom is breastfeeding. Signing is something baby and daddy can do together, creating a special bond.
9. Have fun. So much of parenting these days is just plain hard work. Baby signing is fun – and that’s one of the reasons it works so well. At first your baby will just look at you making signs and may even smile or laugh. You may feel silly too. This is good for you and for baby. Have lots of fun.
10. Don’t take it too seriously. If it’s not working for you, try something else. Or come back to it in a few months. It’s never too late to take up signing with your baby or toddler. But if it’s not for you, don’t stress it. 


For more information on how you can get started with
Baby Sign Language 
 visit the site. There are a ton of FREE resources to get you and your baby signing in no time.

Monday, August 9, 2010

30 Days of Truth - Day 6

Day 6 - Something you hope you never have to do

Ok, so I've been lazy and haven't posted on this in a while, so here we go.   Something I hope I never have to do... well there's lots of things.  I think the most important thing being is that I hope I never have to bury my child.   I went through this when I was younger (kind of)  Number one.. my brother died when he was 16... I can't imagine how my mom did it.  To bury her own child.  Of course, I had to be strong for her, because I knew that losing a brother wasn't as bad as losing a child.  There is some inexplicable bond between a mother and a child... it's always there, and it never goes away.

Number 2, I had a son when I was 17, and put him up for adoption.  It was the hardest thing I had to do in my life.  But I knew that I couldn't give him the life he deserved, so I gave him to a loving family.   

Giving up a son through adoption is hard enough... you know that the child is ok.. you know that he is happier there than he would be with you... why is it so hard to realize that a child will be happier in heaven than with you?  I'm not sure... I know that ultimately heaven is the best place to be, but giving up my daughter is the last thing I want to do.

I hope I never have to bury my daughter... I want her to live well past me, and experience all the good things in life.  Yes.. like every other mother in the world.. I want my daughter to experience all the good things, and live a long happy life!


The Weekend

Ok, I know, I know, I haven't posted in a while.  Life got in the way!   Also, I've figured out that it's pretty much impossible to blog on the weekend.  WAY too much stuff going on!

So friday, we had some of the neighborhood kids over for a swim party, and only one was supposed to spend the night... well of course the other one caught wind of it, so I ended up having 2 little girls.. plus my daughter sleeping on my living room floor that night.  Apparently they go thungry in the middle of the night, because when I woke up in the morning, there were 3 little yogurt cups... 2 on the table, and one on the floor... and yogurt all over the carpet!!   Hubby made pancakes the next morning.. which I didn't eat... not that big of a fan of pancakes... too sweet for me!

I usually post at work, and then plan to post pics sometime when I'm at home.. yeah never happens either. Someday, I will update my blog with many many pics!!

Pretty much we did nothing on saturday except for be lazy bums.   Me and hubby didn't end up getting to bed until about 1:30AM friday.. so we were bone tired! Saturday was a lazy do nothing day! Sunday.. more of the same, except hubby cooked steaks on the grill...yummy!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

30 Days of Truth - Day 5

DAY 5 - Something you hope to do in your life.


Well.. this one is much easier than the past few days!  I can name a bunch of things I would like to do in my life!

Well first of all I would like to grow closer to the Lord.  I want to make a commitment to read my bible every single day.. and stick to it.  I want to study his word and understand the messages he is sending me.  I want to live my entire life the way he intended me to.



 I would like to watch my daughter grow up.  I want to help her along the way... teach her to ride a bike, teach her how to cook, help her with her science fair projects, meet her first boyfriend, hold her when she cries over a broken heart...help plan her wedding, see her get married.. meet my grandchildren, and then start all over!



I would also like to grow old with my husband.  I want to love him until the end of time.  I want to make him happier than he ever knew he could be.  I want to take care of him when he's sick, and I want to be taken care of by him.    He is my protector, my leader and my friend.  I will love him forever, and I want our happiness to last a lifetime...




Lastly, I want to be the best person I can be, I want to make a difference in someone's life.  I want to be that one person that someone remembers forever because I had such a big impact on their life.  I want to inspire someone to do something great. I want to be a role model. I want to be there at just the right time, and say just the right things....  I want to change a life!



This only touches on some of the things I want to do with my life.  I believe that I was put on this earth for a specific purpose.  God is letting me know that purpose one piece at a time.  I intend to fully accomplish what he has planned for me here, and the reason he allowed me to live this wonderful life!

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

30 Days of Truth - Day 4

Day 4 - Something you have to forgive someone for.

Ok...well this one is a little easier to do.  Now, I am taking this challenge very seriously.  I plan to tell the truth 100% of the way.  I am doing this more for myself than I am for my readers.  Now, with that being said here is my answer....

I can honestly say that I do not have anything that I need to forgive anyone for.   This kind of ties in with my last post about my brother.  Ever since the day that he died, I learned not to hold grudges, not to say anything that I don't mean about someone, and to treat every day like it's the last.  I don't want anyone to leave this world and leave me behind with regrets....

It's not my place to judge people.   I believe that everything happens for a reason, good, bad or indifferent.  It's all in God's plan for us.  When someone offends me, I tend to look deeper to see what God has in store for me next....I live my life striving to be like the Lord.  If God forgives.. so do I.

Don't get me wrong, I get angry with people and sometimes do say things that I do not mean, however I generally apologize within a day, and generally don't have to forgive anyone... they are forgiven the minute they offend me.

Now, I do have one exception.  There is one person in my life who I am continually angry with...that would be my ex-husband... my daughters dad. 

I wouldn't necessarily say that I need to forgive him....he's already forgiven.  However he is continually making me mad.. either because he's hurting my daughter in some way shape or form, or hurting me.  I came out of a very abusive relationship with him.... which he's forgiven for.  However, the abuse hasn't stopped.  He's continually telling me that I'm a bad mother, and that he's going to call child services on me (because supposedly I beat my daughter....right.... just because I discipline her, and he doesn't, doesn't mean I'm abusing her... she VERY rarely even gets a spanking!!) He's constantly calling me up to yell at me... he's still trying to control me like he did when we were married....it drives me nuts!!

Well anyways, I can honestly say that I hold no grudges, and I have no one to forgive... and yes I pat myself on the back for that one... who wouldn't???



Monday, August 2, 2010

30 Days of Truth - Day 3

Day 3 - Something you have to forgive yourself for

Yikes!!   It's getting harder and harder every day!!  I'm beginning that this wan't such a good idea to start... do I really want to be publishing this on the internet for all to see???  Let alone admit it to myself!  This is harder than I thought it would be.  Oh well.. it's good for me anyways!

Ok.. here we go...something I have to forgive myself for. Well, I can think of 2 things right now....but they kinda tie in with one another.    In my younger days.. I wasn't the best child... in fact I was one of the worst.  Constantly running away from home, into drugs, I was more than disrespectful to my parents.  I'm pretty sure they wanted to get rid of me a few times...

Anyways, I'm pretty sure my mom has forgiven me for what I've done in the past.. heck she's my best friend now!  But I still haven't forgiven myself for treating my mom like I did.  For putting her through everything I did.  Now that I have a child of my own, I know exactly how she felt.  What if my daugher just disappeared for a few days??  I lost her in church once and I freaked out.. and that's CHURCH!!!!  Not the big bad world!!!!

Anyways I'm constantly thinking about the way I've treated her, and how I made her feel.  I just can't get over the fact that I could do that to my own mother.

My other thing that I have to forgive myself for is my brother... He was killed at the age of 16 in a car accident.   Most of the time I didn't treat him well either.  I was always picking on him... fighting with him, and whatever.  

When I was 17 my parents sent me to a residential treatment facility.  My brother was killed a year later.. I was still there.  Since that day I always thought that If I hadn't been such a screw up I could have been there.. I should have been the big sister protecting my baby brother...but I wasn't.  I should have treated him better, because now I can never say I'm sorry, or I love you....I know now that this wasn't my fault, and logic tells me that I shouldn't feel this way.  But I can't help it.. it's my baby brother, and I couldn't protect him.  I think that is the biggest thing that I need to forgive myself for,but I can't seem to figure out how. 


Tommy... My brother a week before he died...


Cross by the Tree where he died...
"I am the Resurrection and the life saith the Lord, he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live. And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die..."
John 11:25-26




I love you baby brother.. you will never be forgotten!


Ok.. now that I have a pile of tissues next to me.. I think I"m done with that one!   I hope tomorrow's is a little easier on me!

Friday, July 30, 2010

30 Days of Truth - Day 2

Day 2 - Something you love about Yourself


Ooh.. another tough one.. I'm beginning to rethink this whole 30 days of truth challenge!

Lets see.. something I love about myself....well... I'd have to say that I'm an excellent mommy.   I had my daughter at a young age... and although I didn't know much about babies or being a mom.. I was a great one!   I completely fell in love with her (like all mommies do) and took care of her the best I could.  I gotta admit I did better than a lot of young moms out there.  I love my kid to death, and the simple fact that I'm a good mother to her is what I love most about myself.  No one...NO ONE....not even me will EVER hurt my daughter...well if I can help it anyways....

It's funny how you cherish the things that make you happy before you have kids, but once you have kids, you cherish everything that makes them happy...because their happiness makes you happier than anything else ever could.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

30 Days of Truth - Day 1

Day 1 - Something you hate about yourself

WOW!   What a tough one to start off with!   I mean, yeah, I can name a few things that I hate about myself, but which ones do I want to broadcast on the internet?!?!?!

Well.. here it goes.... I think if I had to name one thing, it would have to be my temper.  There are a lot of times (especially with my hubby)  There are a lot of times where I'll get really irritated or mad about something small that can be avoided.

I need to learn to let the little unimportant things go.  I can completely go off on my hubby for the littlest thing...and then afterwards I stop and think... well why was I mad about that in the first place???

I tend to blow things up and over react I guess.  Instead of saying... "Will you please not do that" or just completely forget about it because it's so small and dumb in the first place, I just get all irritated and mad.

I wake up in the mornings with the intention of not getting upset, and letting the little things go.. but when it comes right down to the moment, I just do it without thinking... I don't think before I get mad...I just do and say things i regret saying afterwards.

I've tried doing some reading on anger management.. and got some ideas, but I'm not sure how to implement them.  Yes, counting to 10 before I do or say anything would probably help tremendously.. but how to remember to count to 10 in the moment... that's the hard part.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

30 Days of Truth

Ok, so I seen this on a couple other blogs.. and I thought it would be a good idea to do.  30 days of truth... so for the next 30 days (or more if I get lazy!) I will be posting one of these things about myself... have fun and enjoy the ride!








Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Bad day...

Can I just vent for a minute??? Can we just forget that I'm a nice calm mommy for a minute while I freak out?????  Ok.. thanks!



Ok... here's the story.. so Tim is not my daughters real dad.. he's step dad.  Anyways, Kylie's dad is a complete idiot... I left him about 4 years ago... he is an alcoholic and abusive (to me.. hasn't ever touched my daughter)  Anyways, we have a divorce decree... but we're STILL going to court.  I have full custody.. physical and legal... he's constantly trying to get that changed.  I moved to another house.. and when I did, I changed daycares... well he took me to court because I did that...because apparently the daycare I chose..although it is like 100 times better than the old one is too far away from his house... who's taking her to daycare every morning???  ME!  Not him... so why the heck would it matter???

Well anyways...so he apparently has a girlfriend who lives in Cali and he went to see her.... just up an left... he's been there for about a month now.... he hasn't called.. nothing.. we have no clue when he is coming back.  I can't believe he would just leave and forget about his daughter!!! She misses him!

So I let her go with his parents because there was some family birthday party. They kept her overnight, and when they brought her back they kept her up until 11:30 at night, and then woke her up at 6 AM....umm... do we know what bedtime is??  The kid needs her sleep!!


And on top of all of that.. they didn't give her a nap...filled her up on sugar and sent her home to have a MAJOR meltdown...


So she went to preschool the next day, and they said it was like her evil twin was there... she was out of control..hitting...throwing things and just being downright nasty.... they thought I had her on some type of medication or something....

Honestly.. and he thinks I"m the unfit parent???  He leaves his daughter for over a month with no contact!!!  It was so sad.. the other day she asked me why daddy didn't say goodbye to her before he left...there were so many things that I wanted to say at that point.. but I settled with.. I don't know...why don't you ask him when he gets back.  Shouldn't he be the one that owns up to his daughter on why he left her??

I try not to talk crap about her dad in front of her... as much as I hate his guts...he's still her dad.  She'll find out soon enough that her dad is a piece of crap and make her own decision.  I haven't even gotten child support in almost 6 months now....


.I know a lot of it is control issues.. he thinks that if he keeps dragging out this court thing that he still has control over me.  He uses our daughter against me.. he's threatened to call child services because my husband and myself discipline her....if I put her in her room for time out and she cries... I'm locking her in her room and it's abusive.. really?? Since when is a time out abusive???

There are no rules at his house, my daughter does whatever she wants, and they cave in to her every whine.. and then when she comes home she's constantly throwing fits because she comes back to a house full of rules and discipline....

What am I supposed to do?? I hate seeing her in the state of mind that she is in when she gets back from being with her dad.. she's all out of whack.... I wish there was a way that I could stop him from hurting her all the time...I've never actually hated a person in my life... but I definitely hate him.. and I can't help it!!!

Does he just not care about her??? It's his own flesh and blood.. he should!   I just don't understand how he can not call or say good bye or something.. I"ll be saying goodbye for like 20 minutes until someone pulls me away... I'll be calling every day just to hear her sweet voice.  When she goes to his house for his weekend.. I can't stand it.. Yeah it's nice to have a break but I can't wait until she comes home!   I don't understand how he can leave for a month and not miss her.. not call.. and not even stop to think.. oh maybe my daughter misses me.. I think I'll call her.   As a mother I have an instinct to want to kill anything and everything that hurts my daughter or makes her cry.. except I can't do that because it's her dad...there's no reasoning with him either.. he's worse than a 2 year old... Some people really shouldn't be able to have kids.   



Ok.. I think I might feel a little better now....thanks for listening!!





Tuesday, July 27, 2010

My Wedding...



Ok, so I thought I would get some more pictures up here... and the most recent are from my wedding!!  





Me and my Hubby, Tim met almost 2 years ago (will be 2 years in October) I'm pretty sure it was love at first sight!

The proposal?  Ok, here it goes.  So we were sitting outside on his balcony one day (the day before mothers day 2009) And we had decided to go to the mall to just kinda walk around and people watch.  So I get up to go inside...

Tim: Where you going?
Me: Inside...
Tim: For what?
Me: I have to pee...
Tim: Why?
Me: Umm... cuz I have to go...
Tim: Oh ok..

So I go in and do my thing, and then decide to get my shoes on and grab my purse so we can go to the mall...but when I come back out...

Tim: Why do you have all that?
Me: Aren't we going to the mall?
Tim: Can't we just sit out here for a little longer?
Me: Um.. Ok...

EVERYTHING I did... why are you doing that,  what is that for.. where you going....

STOP!!!!


What are all these questions about???  I was getting REALLY  Irritated!

Me: DO you really have to ask me about EVERYTHING I do.. what's up with this?
Tim: Just give me a hug ok?

SO I gave him a hug.. and here it goes!

Tim: You know I really do love you with all my heart, and I just want to spend the rest of my life with you...

Oh here it goes.. down on one Knee!!!  Is he really going to do it?

Tim: Will you marry me??

I was so surprised... excited...in love.. whatever it was that I was.. I didn't even say yes.. All I could say was oh Tim did you really just propose to me?  I love you so much... lol so he was like  um.. is that a yes?


Well anyways... we were engaged for a little over a year and married June 4, 2010.. and heres the pics...

Bridal Photos




I look like a dang model here!   We had so much fun doing my bridals!


 



Wedding



Getting my dress on.. oh wow that was fun lacing everything up.. getting everything absolutely perfect!




I was a little nervous.. can you tell??



Groomsman and Bridesmaid
(My Brother, and Stepmom)


Best Man and Maid of Honor


My mom and the Cutest flowergirl ever!!!
Kylie did such a good job.. she was perfect!



Here comes the Bride!!




You may Kiss the Bride!


So yeah.. there's some pics from our wedding.. I have more coming.. still waiting on the photographer... from the reception and other stuff!  So wait for part 2!!

Monday, July 26, 2010

Our Vacation...

Ok, so we went to the airshow in Idaho this weekend.   Kylie didn't have a nap on friday, so she was a little cranky in the car on the way there.

So I come home from work...
Kylie: mommy.. mommy I have everything packed!
Me:  Are you sure.. let me check....
Kylie: Did we forget anything.. do we need to bring lunch.. are they going to have lunch for us?
Me: Yes Kylie, we'll be able to get lunch...
Kylie: What about breakfast, do they have breakfast there??  Are we going to be hungry?  Are you sure we don't need to pack a lunch?  They won't let us starve will they?


Ha ha this was her first vacation.. she was Really excited and obviously didn't know what to expect!


I borrowed a DVD player from my neighbor to keep her occupied... but I couldn't get the dang thing to work...it just said loading forever.... GREAT!  Now what I have a tired screaming 4 year old and we haven't even been driving for an hour.

Of course this isn't my DVD player so I don't know all the quirks and tricks of it.. I find the owners manual and start reading...I didn't get the answer as th why it won't play, but I did figure out that there are 35 games on this thing...wow..didn't know they could do that.... obviously that's what the game controller is for huh!

So I get that going and she playes games the rest of the way there.

We finally pull into the hotel at around midnight... she's STILL awake.. I can't believe it.. no nap all day and she stays up until midnight!


We get up into the room and she's obviously exhausted, mommy.. is this our new house? Ha ha She still didn't get it.  She has never been in a hotel either!


The next day we go to the airshow..it feels quite cooler outdoors.. still hot, but not as hot as in Utah... we get to the airshow, and start walking around... "Mommy!  I'm so hot, I'm burning!"  Crap.. I forgot sunscreen!


Oh well... I tried to keep her in my shadow as much I could so she wouldn't be directly in the sun...


SHe got to jump on the bouncehouse, sit in the driver seat of a helecopter, and we found out she's deathly afraid of policemen... she wouldn't even go near them!


We got to see the Blue Angels.. which I thought was pretty cool.. I wouldn't be able to fly that clsoe together without crashing!


Well anyways, we stopped at walmart on the way back to the hotel and picked up some aloe.. I was so sore.. hubby was bright red, and Kylie was complaining, but I didn't see anywhere that was red.
So my back is totally burnt....hubby's face and legs are totally burnt, with blisters all over his face.. and Kylie is unharmed.. the things parents will do to keep their children save...

Oh well.. we're back home now.. back to work today.. I totally didn't want to wake up this morning....I"m about off though, and then it's back home to clean up the mess of suitcases and dirty laundry!