It's a Girl!!!

So we went to have an ultrasound and found out we're having a girl!!!

 We're thinking about naming her Brianna... but still not sure.  I've begun to feel her moving around in there.. and sometimes I wish I didn't!  She just doesn't stop... I guess she's inherited her daddys inability to sit still!!

Meth... really?!?!?!

So We're trying to buy this house.. it's pretty nice, especially for a first home...

So anyways... we had it inspected of course.. and guess what... it tested positive for meth!!!  Unbelievable... the things people do these days.. anyways, the good news is that the bank is willing to pay to get it out of there and my neighbor owns a company that decontaminates houses of stuff like that... so.. hopefully it'll all be gone and we'll be able to close in a few weeks!

It's been a while!

WOW... life got crazy!!  I haven't posted on here in forever... to start off I was in a car accident.. not bad, but enough to d some damage to my back, so I've been in physical therapy twice a week every week.   Turns out I am pregnant!!  I am currently 15 weeks along... here are some U/S pics!!

So I've been going to prenatal appointments with my midwife.  I am considered a high risk pregnancy because my first two children were born premature.  I went into labor with my daughter when I was only  24 weeks.  So I've been having appointments with a high risk specialist as well.  Starting Wednesday I will need to have progesterone shots once a week to (hopefully) prevent me from going into labor.

The Tummy is definitely pooching out a little..

Well.. anyways between all that and school and work.. I have had absolutely no time for anything else.. including blogging ha ha

Anyways Hopefully I'll get back into things and keep you all updated a little more!

Until next time...

It's been a while...

Ok, ok, I know.. It's been forever since I've posted.. and I'm sorry.   I've just been so sick... not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.. because I'm PREGNANT!!!   I am now 7 weeks along and I'm due May 12th... exciting!!!  I just want to skip these first few months though.  All I want to do now is sleep and throw up.. that's about it..

Other than that... there's not much else going on right now.  Just work...school.. and trying to do it all while pregnant, tired and grumpy!  I'll post more later...

Pee on a stick...

Ok, so me and hubby have been trying to get pregnant for 4 months now... I've wanted to be pregnant so bad that I've had many false pregnancy symptoms... well for the past 5 days now I've been really nauseous in the mornings, my period is not due until next week, but I decided to take a test anyways just to see if it would show up.

Well.. GUESS WHAT!!!  There was a very very faint line.. I thought I was seeing things, so I had my mom take a look at it.. and she saw it too!!!   I know it's not definate yet, I still could have an early miscarriage or something like that, but at least there was a line.. that's better than what I was getting before!!!

I'm so excited.. I really hope this means baby in 9 months!!  I'm hoping for a boy, but I'll be happy with whatever I get :)

30 Days of Truth - Day 10

Day 10 - Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn't know.


Well.. I don't really have anyone who I need to let go... but I do have one person I wish I didn't know.


This situation is kinda confusing...I wish I never met my daughter's dad.  On the other hand, I'm not sure what I would do without my daughter!    He can be such an idiot at times, and it really makes me mad some of the things he puts my daughter through.  I just wish I could have her, but never met him....make sense?


The latest news on him... well he's back in town now, but who knows for how long.  My daughter spent this past weekend at his house.  Well... here's the story.  I  had just bought her a new bible... and she wanted to take it over there to show her dad, so I let her.  Well apparently both her and her dad decided to practice writing in it.  Now a  year old writing in a book... a slap on the hand, and you just tell them that it's not a good thing to do... on the other hand.. a 35 year old man?????   Should I really have to tell a 35 year old man not to write in books.. especially if they're not his?????  Unbelievable.  That's all I can say.  I can't believe he's so dumb as to teach our daughter that it's ok to write in books. She only had the thing for 2 days, and now it's got writing all through it....  I'm thinking of just giving it back to him and say here keep this, since you decided to write in it.. I'll go buy a new one that I will keep looking nice.... sometimes, I'm surprised at how dumb a human being can actually be....


Anyways, back to the subject... yes, he is the one person in my life that I wish I didn't know, and had never met.....he is the single most stressful thing in my life.... ha most people would think working full time, going to school full time, and being a good wife and mommy was stressful.... ha ha ha that is a piece of cake compared to the stress he puts me through....


I guess I just need to learn to not let it get to me.. not as easy as it sounds.. and I'm not really sure how to do it!

30 Days Of Truth - Day 9

Day 9 - Someone you didn't want to let go, but just drifted.


Well.. this one is easy!!   Ok, ok, so I know I have been a slacker lately.. it's been a while since I've posted.  I've just gotten really busy with.... well... life!  So anyways... here it goes.

The one person I didn't want to let go was my best friend Stephanie.  We met the first day of kindergarten and were inseprable ever since.  Well when I was in 6th grade her dad got a job and she had to move.. it was only an hour away so it's not like we would never be able to see each other again...

Well.. I was wrong.  We went to different schools, we didn't see each other anymore, and after a while I forgot about her, and she probably forgot about me.  We stopped talking.. there was no fight, and there was no reason that we stopped talking other than the fact that we just did...

Well  a few months ago I found her on facebook.... and she ended up flying here to be a bridesmaid in my wedding... and when she got here... we picked up where we left off in 6th grade.  It's like we were never apart.  We talked for hours and just did our thing like nothing ever happened!

I'm going to make sure now that we keep in contact... I'll never forget that day on the bus the first day of kindergarten.  We were headed home and she was crying because she thought the bus driver didn't know where she lived and she would never get home... I sat next to her and made her feel better....there's a connection between us that will never die... I love her.

Stress...

Wow.. so I've had quite the week... My daughter is having some serious issues.  I think it's all rooting from the fact that her dad just up and left and has had no contact for 2 months now.   She is having some serious temper tantrums...I mean these are no normal tantrums either... they're pretty bad and last for hours upon hours....  the longest lasted I believe 6 hours.. non stop until she fell asleep.

I'm not quite sure what to do about it anymore.. I've tried everything I can think of.. and I mean they are pretty bad.  I'm almost ready to get her some extra help.  I can get some free counseling through my work, and maybe if we did some family counseling that would help.

The other thing that isn't making matters any better is my step dad is in the hospital.  He has had some serious abdominal pain for the past 2 weeks... he hasn't eaten in a week because he can't keep anything down....his belly is seriously swollen.... and they're afraid his colon is going to burst because of the pressure.  They don't know what's wrong with him.. he's even had a few doctors come in asking him questions about it to learn more about what's going on with him.   It's kinda scary when a specialist has no clue what's wrong.

So as you can see I've been pretty stressed as well as my daughter, so that makes everything worse...I'm not sure what I'm doing anymore....

My New Challenge...

Ok, so I've decided to take on another challenge.... like I don't already have enough on my plate...

I've decided to read the Bible.. the whole thing.  Well.. listen to it at least.  I've been listening to an Audio bible while I'm at work instead of music. The only books I read at home are school books!   I started doing it a little while back but then never finished, I got to Leviticus and then stopped for some reason.  I hear that Leviticus is where a lot of people get discouraged because there's no real story to it.  It's a bunch of rules (that don't really apply anymore if you believe in the new testament) about sacrifices and all that.

So I picked up where I left off.. I started in Leviticus yesterday.  I made it through, and today I've started on Numbers.  Right Now I"m on Chapter 23 I plan to finish Numbers today and hopefully at least start on Deuteronomy.  

                                                 

Well here I am at the beginning of my journey.  Many people start this journey with good intentions, however only a few actually succeed.  Please join me in this challenge and journey to read the entire bible.  Some move slower, and others will move faster.  Whatever your pace may be please feel free to share your thoughts and reflections.. I sure will!

                                      

30 Days of Truth - Day 8

Day 8 - Someone who made your life hell.


Ok.. so this one is fairly easy.

There are/were 2 people in my life that made it difficult....Person number one.. Her name was Katrina.  She picked on me in high school.  I dreaded going to school every day because of her.  She decided that she was going to call me roach one day, and continued doing it throughout the school year.  She wrote in permanent marker on my locker ROACH... and filled my locker with shaving cream.  She threw pennies at my head...she found at least one thing about me every single day to make fun of .... one day I just couldn't take it anymore and we got into a fight.

Ok, now although I thought she was the devil at the time.... now that I look back on it, it really wasn't that bad. Yeah she did some mean and nasty things...teenage girls are really bad!  But hey it was for one year, and I haven't seen her since.

Person number 2.... My daughter's dad. I know this is really bad... but he is the only person I've ever truly hated in my entire life...  I left him 4 years ago.... we're STILL going to court to play his dumb games.  He fights me every step of the way on custody (even though I've already been awarded full physical and legal custody) but everyone knows he really doesn't care about seeing his daughter.  He's been out of state for almost 2 months now.  He hasn't called her or anything.  If he really cared about his kid he would stop chasing girls like a teenage boy and pay attention to her.

He hurts her...not physically, but emotionally he does, and watching that happen, and not being able to do anything about it... hurts me.  He threatens to call child services on me because apparently I'm an abusive mother (trust me.. I'm not)  Yes... I discipline my child, I want her to grow up with manners, and to act right.  I barely ever spank her.... only when I feel it's necessary.... Him on the other hand... he does nothing. There is no discipline when she goes to his house. No wonder he thinks I'm an abusive mother....I actually discipline my child.  I'm sorry... I'm definitely guilty.. take me to jail.. I discipline my child.

Oh and just wait until he gets wind of her calling my husband daddy....that's going to be a fun conversation to hear.... when I say conversation I mean him yelling at me and cussing me out.  It's not my fault that he abandoned his daughter, and she gave up on hoping that he would come back. It's not my fault that she wants a stable father figure in her life.  It's not my fault that her dad wants nothing to do with her....but it does hurt.

Now, to many people...all this may not seem bad enough for me to actually hate someone.. you're right it's not.  I would also like to inform you that he used to abuse me...still does in a way.   He choked me until I passed out when I was pregnant with my daughter, he would hit me, kick me, push me... you name it.. he did it.  Now, physical abuse I can handle.. bumps and bruises go away.  Yes, it hurts, but the pain eventually goes away.  It's the emotional abuse that really got to me.

Emotional scars are hard to get rid of.. and sometimes never go away.  I still carry many of mine, and sometimes they affect my marriage now.  I have the perfect marriage, I love my husband to death and he would never lay a hand on me or say a hurtful word.  But sometimes the scars that Jeff left behind affect what I do and say.  There are times I am very insecure about myself and about my husband.  I know...more than I know anything else in the world that he loves me and he wouldn't even look at another woman... but because of what Jeff did to me, every time he goes out with the guys or goes on an overnight for work I can't help but think... is he cheating on me?  Am I pretty enough for him? Am I good enough for him?  Maybe he found someone better than me?  Most times I believe that almost anyone could be better than me.  MY self esteem has been stripped down and stomped on so many times, and it's hard to build it back up again.

We're working on it though.  He always reassures me that I'm the most beautiful woman in the world and he loves me and only me.  He doesn't even have the desire to look at anyone else.

Ok, I know this is getting a little long, and I'm probably just rambling at this point.  The answer to the question of the day in a few words.. Jeff seriously messed up my life... Katrina...just prepared me for Jeff.  Someday I'll get over it all, and look back and think.... eh that wasn't so bad....